The Lady with the Alligator Purse

My sister found this purse at a Thrift store, and she was putting it in a garage sale at my daughter Julie’s.  As soon as my daughters saw it, they decided that Julie had to buy it, and take it with her to the endless doctor and hospital visits she does with Gregory.  I feel honored to be related to the REAL ‘Lady with the Alligator Purse’.

THE LADY WITH THE ALLIGATOR PURSE

I had a little baby, I named him Tiny Tim
I put him in the bath tub to see if he could swim.
He drank up all the water, he ate up all the soap
He tried to eat the bathtub but it wouldn’t go down his throat.

Then I called the doctor, then I called the nurse
Then I called the lady with the alligator purse.
In came the doctor, in came the nurse
In came the lady with the alligator purse.

“Measles” said the doctor, “Mumps” said the nurse,
“Nothing” said the lady with the alligator purse.
Out went the doctor, out went the nurse
Out went the lady with the alligator purse

This was one of the jump roping ditties that we chanted as kids.  Did you chant about the Lady with the Alligator Purse when you were a kid?  Was your version the same or different?

When men are sick

At 5 a.m. yesterday I found myself in town at Casey’s (gas station) buying 7 UP and Pepto Bismal for my hubby, who had been up all night with the flu.  Here was my conversation with the cashier, a gal I didn’t know, as I checked out.

Cashier in concerned voice:  “Oh boy, it looks like you have the flu at your house.”

My reply:  “Yes, I’m just glad I don’t have it, too.”

Cashier in very concerned voice:  “Oh dear, is it the babies?”  (Interesting remark now that my hair is almost all gray!)

My reply:  “No, actually it’s my husband.”

Cashier in very emphatic voice:  “BIGGER BABY!!!”

Cashier quickly says in very apologetic voice:  “Oh I didn’t mean that your husband is like that, it’s just that mine is the biggest baby when he’s sick.”

My reply:  “Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, hee hee hee hee hee.”

I think I would agree with her, and I’d like to know if this is a universal observation?  Is your man a big baby when he’s sick?

Spell Check Bloopers

A few years ago, I found out how important it was to check the spell checking feature.  Actually, it was my daughter, Shari, who discovered the blooper……….

We had approached a small gift store about carrying our natural lip balm, and had set up an appointment with them to show them our lip balm line.  Shari went to the meeting with samples of our lip balms and promotional material, including a price list I had just finished updating.  Everything went pretty smooth until Shari presented the price list; from that moment on she just couldn’t wait to get out of there!  You see, when I updated the price list I ran the spell check feature and let it automatically make corrections; so the price sheet that Shari gave to the buyer listed lip balm flavors that we had never heard of!  According to spell check, we carried Armadillo lip balm instead of Amaretto, and Piano Colada instead of Pina Colada lip balm!

Now, after a few years, Shari can laugh about it; but back then my spell check blooper made her almost die of embarrassment!  I always did think it was pretty funny!

Courthouse Blooper

This could only happen to a farmer………..

Yesterday I went to the county courthouse to file some papers.  They have a new security system set up as you come in the door, and I was required to set my purse into a basket before stepping through a metal detector.  After passing through the metal detector, I grabbed my purse back out of the basket, which was when I noticed a clump of mud in the basket.  I examined my purse, and sure enough, there was a big clump of mud on my purse.  I started to apologize to the fellow who checked me through, but he had already turned away and had started the inspection process with another person.

I went to drop off my papers, and then decided I should find a restroom to wipe the mud off my purse.  So I grab some paper towel and start scrubbing my purse, which is when I realize that the mud on my purse is NOT MUD !!!  It is some kind of farm animal _ _ _ _, and I have no idea what kind, or how it got there.  And if it’s not mud on my purse, it is NOT MUD back there in the basket!  I start laughing uncontrollably, and know I will look like a crazy woman if someone comes into the restroom.  Then I realize that I have to walk by the fellow and the basket again to leave the building, and I laugh until I cry.  Luckily, no one comes into the restroom to question my sanity.  As I am leaving the building, I am extremely relieved to see that a different person is at the security check point now, and he doesn’t even glance at me as I leave; he is too busy scrubbing out the basket………….

I think I will refer to  this caper as the Courthouse Pooper Blooper.